Space (Jam) Camp is a series about what happens you attempt to learn how to play one of the most complex sports games made without knowing anything about basketball.

A while ago I decided that I’m going to play a sports game. In an effort to have a broader knowledge of the medium, I’ve been expanding the scope of the games I’ve been playing, and reading up on games that I never intend to play. The NBA 2K series is one of the most popular, dominating the charts and being one of the few sports titles not crushing the opposition through Electronic Art’s near monopoly on the genre. (It’s also one of the most complex, with an insane amount of context sensitive Isomotion™ moves to pull off). So with that knowledge, I promptly went over to my local game store and picked up a copy of NBA2K11 (and a bullet hell SHMUP by Cave).

Let’s get this out of the way. The only reason I picked 2K11 is because it has Michael Jordan. To put it bluntly, when he was playing for the Bulls was the last time I cared about basketball. This makes me uniquely unqualified to play any basketball game. I can’t tell you anything but the basic rules of the game. Any basketball games I have played before this consist of titles like Arch Rivals and NBA Jam, which are basically the antithesis of this series. 

The first thing you’ll notice about the game is its presentation. The game drops you immediately into the iconic Bulls/Jordan v. Lakers/Magic Johnson. 2K is an almost slavish facsimile of the broadcast style presentation, down to the scoreboards, cutaways and even the advertisement (with replays brought to you by the Sprite®  Slam Cam!). It’s probably more appealing to those who ache for the authentic basketball experience. To me, it just made me aware of how commercial a product I was holding. But anyway, back to the game.

Naturally, I disrespected the legacy of MJ by failing miserably and providing the other team with baskets full of turnovers and points. Quitting out of that I was greeted with the NBA 2K11 Theme song…performed by Snoop Dogg. Yes, a full on rap song where Snoop Dogg tells you what his playable character’s speed in the game is, and that 2K is the best game ever made. The rest of the soundtrack is equally as dissonant, ranging from Drake’s R&B styled raps to a whole bunch of indie rock music. It’s a bit disorienting. 

Even more disorienting is the amount of stats and selections you can make when creating a character for My Player mode. The last time I felt this disoriented was when I was first introduced to Western RPGs via Exile III:

See that? That’s nothing compared to the stats that NBA2K11 has you tweak. There’s your height, weight, about a hundred tattoo options, fifty kinds of facial hair and the most extensive set of sneakers I’ve ever seen. There’s also two options for musculature, buff, and RIPPED.

You can pick a position preset, or if you really want to get down to it you can manually distribute points into your player’s myriad of stats. There are points for shots up close, at medium distance, at the three point line, under pressure at close range, under pressure at the three point, while running towards the basket, stats for passing, passing under pressure, passing while doing trick shots, passing while jumping off a teammate’s back, shooting while jumping for a dunk from half court, ball handling from a moving vehicle, rocket science affinity, and whether they identify as Republican or Democrat (in an incisive bit of commentary, there is no third option). 

Naturally, I made a 6’ 8", 22 year old Black man with hazel eyes and a white afro and beard. He apparently also shoots fadeaways like Derrick Rose and takes free throws like Larry Byrd. Did I mention that you can pick specific animations for basically every contextual moment, including when shooting or under pressure from each side. That’s right, you can have separate animations for being shot blocked on each side, and while in the air, on the ground etc. Also, like yo, did I mention there are a lot of sneaker options (you also earn Air Jordans for particular milestones)?

After you go through the multi-hour initiation of creating your character you’ll be introduced to the draft, as well as your eternal rival, John Walls. A strange man named 2K Insider,  who looks like he was ripped from someone’s DeviantArt account, will give you the down low. He’ll also berate you for how awful you did in the draft games when you inevitably screw up a whole bunch and get judged as a failure of a player by your teammates. 

Those draft games remind me of the reasons why sports never caught on with me. They were something outside my culture. My family had no particular love for any sports or team, and growing up in an elementary school without recess meant that I never had many opportunities to learn the ins and outs. Likewise, the harsh penalties for mistakes, the lack of any proper tutorial, and sense of indictment that accompanies a draft game reminded me of my outsider status to culture, and its apathy to my interest. 

Despite that I want to learn. Beyond the curve I can see why people enjoy these games. There’s this strange sense of the organic in these games, a trade-off in immediate response for a more fluid system that demands you learn to read and react to the animations. It’s different from the mechanical and tightly reactive worlds of the games I like to play. It requires I language that I don’t speak, and I’m not sure I’ll totally understand. 

For now, I ’ll just practice with some pick up games on the NBA Blacktop (sponsored by the cool refreshing taste of Sprite®).